THERE WAS A BOY. . .

There was a boy . . .

Who brought me wine in a Mickey Mouse thermos

Who would read aloud to me from his favorite books

Who brought me new music for listening together 

Who picked me up at 5:00 am to go and watch the sunrise over Barnegat Bay 

Who brought me to the Carnegie Hall Cinema to see classic movies

Who took me to great Italian restaurants

Who took me to summer plays in the park

Who wrote me so many wonderfully funny letters

Who brought me books of authors I would grow to love 

Who took me to stroll through NYC and visit great bookstores

Who brought me daisies 

Who gave me his ID bracelet

Who could always make me laugh even when I was broken-hearted

Who remembered to always kiss me under the mistletoe

Who loved my gingerbreadmen cookies

Who brought me to so many wonderful movies

Who went with me to a Halloween Party as Bonnie and Clyde

Who always, always believed in me and encouraged me to live my best life 

Who loved the Mets

Who loved the theater

Who loved photography

Who loved children

Who loved this crazy, unpredictable life

And made me know my worth so I could love it too.

There was a boy. . . whom I finally got to thank 46 years later!

ON THIS DAY, IN THIS PLACE

It's Sunday morning.  Im sitting outside on my small deck. It's late July.  Birds are singing, a light breeze is rustling the leaves.  In my minds eyes I see my boys in the yard playing with the tetherball.  The dogs are sleeping in their outdoor pens.  Jim is doing some kind of yard work while I'm on the deck reading.  Oh, to hold on to this one perfect, ordinary moment! All gone too soon.  Such are the musings of an old woman, now alone on the deck. Alone with cherished memories on this day, in this place.

STILL LEARNING

My husband and I became Florida snowbirds for awhile - mainly so he could extend his time on the water angling.  Then the pandemic hit and we reconsidered life choices and opportunities.  We sold the Florida place and decided on a three month winter rental in Lewes, Delaware to be near the two youngest grandchildren.

He never got to winter in Delaware. He died. I decided to follow through with our plan and I spent the winter in Delaware.  It was a bittersweet winter, but I was determined to squeeze out every possible joy out of every single day.  It was hard.  It was an extremely lonely endeavor. And I survived. And, yes, there was so much joy to be had.

This past winter, I rented a place for three months in Murrell's Inlet, South Carolina where I could be with my son, grandson, sister, and brother. I've learned over these past two winters that I really didn't need a whole lot of "stuff" to have a happy life.  My time with those I love was wealth beyond measure and these memories will travel home with me.

Finding joy is great! I highly recommend it but don't think it will ever absolve you of that shadow of grief that's always right beside you. How can it be otherwise when your shared life of over forty years changes in an instant. My guess is, only those who are widowed will truly understand this reflection.  I'm learning that there is really no place to go to get away from this kind of  loss.  I'm not sure how this will impact my future adventures, but I am still learning .

JANUARY

 Growing up in an extended family, we celebrated New Year's Eve watching Guy Lombardo and the Royal Canadians. We had noisemakers, hats, and munchies. The adults had fancy cocktails, like Manhattans and Apricot Sours. The kids had ginger ale.  The evening was always mixed with laughter and tears, of both joy and sorrow for what the old year held, and what the new year might bring. When the song, "Enjoy Yourself, It's Later Than You Think" came on,  the adults nodded knowingly to one another. At midnight everyone got a flute of champagne, even the kids got a taste. Then came the midnight picnic supper.  So much fun to wrap up the holiday season surrounded by love. The group decreased in size year by year.  This year as I spent NYE with my sister and her husband, the picnic supper came early, we mixed champagne with Guinness making Black Velvets, toasted the past and the future,  and I was home by 9pm.  Advice for 2023: Enjoy Yourself It's Later Than You Think!

Guy Lombardo